Home

Dear Readers,

Today I would like to discuss with you the topic of home.  Ever since I graduated from High School, I have been floating around from temporary apartment to house to my parent's basement.  This has caused me to question where is my real home?


I started my education in Duluth.  For two semesters I lived in an on-campus apartment with two other female students.  I had one car full of possessions and when it came time to move back to my parent's house at the end of the year, I filled up one small Hyundai Accent (think tiny compact car) and went back to the suburbs of Minneapolis.  I ached for the freedom I had in Duluth, but in Duluth I ached for living with the people I knew.  I moved into the basement of my parent's house for that summer.  After moving back it hit me, these people have changed.  My sister was older and wiser, with a boyfriend none the less.  My parents weren't sure how to give me space.  I felt like I was constantly colliding with them.  This was the place of my childhood.  I grew up in this place, but did not feel like I fit.  This home became a place to sleep at night and leave during the day.  My parents frequently commented that it was more of a base than anything else.  I felt lost.  If I wasn't home here, and I wasn't going back to Duluth, did I have a home?


At the end of that summer I packed up two suitcases and flew to England.  I got a total of ninety pounds split between two bags and a backpack.  I set up camp in ten by twelve foot room in a flat that had four other girls, a kitchen, a WC and a shower room.  I traveled there with forty two other students from the University of Minnesota-Duluth.  The first day it seemed everybody knew everyone else.  Meanwhile I knew one other girl.  She was in a sculpture class with me, but we were mere flatmates as we embarked on this journey.  For a year we traveled together, celebrated victories and losses, and became each others family.  Between her and my other new friends, I formed a new family while missing my old one back in Minnesota.  By then end of the year we traveled to over ten different countries and spent over an entire month traveling out of a backpack.  Somehow during this time I had nothing more than a flat I used for a base for travel, but I felt more "at home" here than I did my entire year in Duluth. 

After a year if traveling Europe, I had to come back to Minnesota.  I again packed up my things into two suitcases and left behind mounds of stuff.  I had intentions of returning to that stuff someday, but have yet to go back.  Now I study at the University of Minnesota.  For one semester I lived in my parents basement.  Traveling between school and home became too stressful.  The time lost traveling, and the missed opportunities were enough reason for me to move out for spring semester.  I found a place to sublet for spring and moved in with two strangers.  I attempted to make my home in an apartment that was already established by two people.  Fitting in my things was rough, and it was clear there was little room for me.  In the large apartment, I made my small room my home.  I rarely hung out in the living room, and spent a lot of time on campus to avoid my colorful new roommates. 


I didn't want to live with my parents and I did not want to live with these strangers.  Quite frankly I did not know where I wanted to live, but did not feel entirely comfortable anywhere.  I spent many nights at friends place, avoiding the ants that dotted the halls of the "new" apartment.  After finals it was too much and I left for my parents house once more.  This time however I had a plan.  I had signed a lease and planned to live with a friend from my frisbee team and two of her friends.  I am still living in that house, and it can be rough.  I have the basement to myself, and as a private person, I do not frequent the upstairs a lot.  I feel most at home in the basement, and like a trespasser upstairs.  But it is dark down here, and cold.  When it is humid it smells and there are bugs.  Yes I am more at home here, but not home. 

When will this end?  When is it that I finally feel home again? When I move to my next temporary apartment? When I settle down with a real job? For now I have this itch to get going.  I'd like to pack up my things and get onto the next place.  This isn't quite the place for me yet and I am looking for a new one.  The only thing is, I don't know where that is yet.