The end is drawing nigh

This week has been filled with a lot of 'lasts' for me.  I have been organizing the end of the year banquet for my Frisbee team. It has been quite the emotional ordeal.  For the past week I spent all of my free time planning and making their gifts.  We settled on making photo quilts.  I was super excited to start.  I had all the non-seniors on my team start gathering their favorite photos of the graduating players.  I then printed these photos onto fabric that was backed with paper and could be sent through a printer.  This for me was the hardest part.  I had no ink and had to borrow a friends and it took forever.  In my friend's living room, the stress of the party started.

From there the stress traveled with me, heavy on my shoulders and crowding my thoughts. I had so much to do before these quilts were finished and so much studying to do for my chemistry class.  I loaded the lecture videos onto my computer and settled down with my sewing machine.

The past four days have been a fog.  Chemistry flowed in one ear and quilting thoughts flowed out the other. Monday night I took my test and yet the stress wasn't gone.  I kept on quilting.  Through the whole day yesterday I sewed until my thread was gone.  I reloaded the bobbin and continued on. 

Things got down to the wire.  6:30 and I was finally putting the final touches on a seam when I completely ran out of red thread.  I had none left and this was a showing seam.  So I did what any crazy, stressed-out crafter would do,  I grabbed all small strands that had been discarded earlier and I sewed that stupid quilt shut by hand. 

I gather my wits, whipped up some stuffed mushrooms caps and headed to the party.  At this point I haven't slept or eaten enough and I want the party to be over before it starts just so I an can nap, but instead I make small talk, watch a highlights reel, orchestrate the presentations and feel wiped out.  After the senior speeches I stand up to give our seniors their gift and it hits me.  It being the tiredness, the stress, the sadness these girls are leaving, and I start to cry.  In front of everyone.  It hits me how much I love these girls that are leaving our team.  We had all been through so much together. These were the girls that first welcomed me to the team, and I didnt want to see them go.  I choked out some sentiments at them and essentially threw the quilts at them too. 

And that was it.  I was done.  I felt fine.  The rest of the party were some quick goodbyes and I got to go home.  I got to my room and realized there was a certain gentleman I hadn't talked to all day.  I layed down on my bed and picked up my phone.  We quickly rehashed the days events and my best friend got home. She climbed into bed with me and we watched Say Yes to the Dress until we were to tired to hold open our eyelids and fell asleep. 

Today I feel in control of my life again.  I have one more take home test and this is all over. I am working part time at the Post Office on campus and that is that.

It has been a wonderful year, but has taken so much to get here.  So much stress, a lot of tears.  There are going to be a lot of people that were a regular feature in my life that I am not going to be seeing a lot of.  I can't dwell on that though, people move, I move, things change.

As much as I hate change, there is nothing I can do about it.  At then beginning of the year I had my cat die on me, and at the end of the year I have a bunny.  Things get better and things get worse, but I am excited for the future and the years to come. 

Easter: life and death

My weekend was filled with a lt of highs and lows.  I got to see a lot of friends, I went to a few parties, and saw an old friend I hadn't seen in awhile.  On Friday it was a friend's twenty first birthday, and we celebrated in a very classy way, with tacos and margaritas. 

Up bright and early after that on Saturday morning, I drove to my parent's abode to work on my car.  It has been in rough shape lately.  My dad determined the mysterious liquid on the bottom of my car was in fact oil.  We put more in and I carpooled to Frisbee with a cold friend.

It was my first practice and game with this new team.  I had one friend there, and recognized a lot of faces from the frisbee social world, but I was still nervous about team dynamics.  As one of the youngest persons on the team, I was definately worried nobody on the field would throw to me.  Luckily this was not the case.  My team didn't have many women show up to the game, but the girls that were there were very enthusiastic.  One inparticular seemed to take me under her wing and was very helpful on and off field.  I know I will enjoy playing with these people quite a bit.

Fast forward a couple hours and I am at a new restaurant in Eden Prairie.  It is the Kono grill, and I have never been here before.  I order to Balsamic Asparagus salad and still that and a flatbread pizza with a friend.  The creamy balsamic is my first taste and it is a delight.  The perfect blend of sweet and acidic dances on my tongue and I would be pleased if the salad was this alone.  In my next bite I discover the huge tomato slices, lightly grilled and perfectly ripe.  Add in some asparagus and onin and yu have the perfect salad.  I am more than pleased and I hope the waitress recongnizes this in my tip.  I will be back soon.  We depart and head to a Japanese restaurant/ bar in Hopkin.  Sake shots and 2-4-1 beers are ordered.  It was the opposite of my salad.  I do not want more.  I want less or to leave.  I am disappointed in the flavor, but the price was good.  I could hardly imagine paying more.  I am easily ready to go.  It is time for bed.

The next morning I get ready for church with my family.  I am ready first and wander outside in the gorgeous weather.  Two of our chickens are wandering around and I pick one up.  I contemplated putting her in her cage, but that wouldn't be fair if the other was allowed to roam free.  I decide to let them both wander, this is what my family does daily.  This turns out to be a huge mistake.  We go to brunch and church and when I get back a fox has gotten her.  This makes me so sad.  Had I not been so lazy, she wold be fine.  My parents tell me it is not fair to blame myself.  She is outside so much if it hadn't been yesterday, it would have been the day after.

My Sunday ends in a well of sadness.  Only slightly cheered with some Dwnton Abbey and vegan BBQ. 


It really bothers me how much this bothers me.  I just want my conscience to be clear, and it isn't.  Nobody blames me for buttercups death, but as a vegetarian, I do not jive well with the idea that an animal lost their life because of me.  One of the main reasons why I do not eat meat is because I do not wish to cause the painful death of another creature.  And as I see, my laziness on Sunday caused death. 

I have a huge test today, hopefully when it is over I will be able to nap and calm down again.
Thank you for reading, it was nice to get this off my chest.

Home

Dear Readers,

Today I would like to discuss with you the topic of home.  Ever since I graduated from High School, I have been floating around from temporary apartment to house to my parent's basement.  This has caused me to question where is my real home?


I started my education in Duluth.  For two semesters I lived in an on-campus apartment with two other female students.  I had one car full of possessions and when it came time to move back to my parent's house at the end of the year, I filled up one small Hyundai Accent (think tiny compact car) and went back to the suburbs of Minneapolis.  I ached for the freedom I had in Duluth, but in Duluth I ached for living with the people I knew.  I moved into the basement of my parent's house for that summer.  After moving back it hit me, these people have changed.  My sister was older and wiser, with a boyfriend none the less.  My parents weren't sure how to give me space.  I felt like I was constantly colliding with them.  This was the place of my childhood.  I grew up in this place, but did not feel like I fit.  This home became a place to sleep at night and leave during the day.  My parents frequently commented that it was more of a base than anything else.  I felt lost.  If I wasn't home here, and I wasn't going back to Duluth, did I have a home?


At the end of that summer I packed up two suitcases and flew to England.  I got a total of ninety pounds split between two bags and a backpack.  I set up camp in ten by twelve foot room in a flat that had four other girls, a kitchen, a WC and a shower room.  I traveled there with forty two other students from the University of Minnesota-Duluth.  The first day it seemed everybody knew everyone else.  Meanwhile I knew one other girl.  She was in a sculpture class with me, but we were mere flatmates as we embarked on this journey.  For a year we traveled together, celebrated victories and losses, and became each others family.  Between her and my other new friends, I formed a new family while missing my old one back in Minnesota.  By then end of the year we traveled to over ten different countries and spent over an entire month traveling out of a backpack.  Somehow during this time I had nothing more than a flat I used for a base for travel, but I felt more "at home" here than I did my entire year in Duluth. 

After a year if traveling Europe, I had to come back to Minnesota.  I again packed up my things into two suitcases and left behind mounds of stuff.  I had intentions of returning to that stuff someday, but have yet to go back.  Now I study at the University of Minnesota.  For one semester I lived in my parents basement.  Traveling between school and home became too stressful.  The time lost traveling, and the missed opportunities were enough reason for me to move out for spring semester.  I found a place to sublet for spring and moved in with two strangers.  I attempted to make my home in an apartment that was already established by two people.  Fitting in my things was rough, and it was clear there was little room for me.  In the large apartment, I made my small room my home.  I rarely hung out in the living room, and spent a lot of time on campus to avoid my colorful new roommates. 


I didn't want to live with my parents and I did not want to live with these strangers.  Quite frankly I did not know where I wanted to live, but did not feel entirely comfortable anywhere.  I spent many nights at friends place, avoiding the ants that dotted the halls of the "new" apartment.  After finals it was too much and I left for my parents house once more.  This time however I had a plan.  I had signed a lease and planned to live with a friend from my frisbee team and two of her friends.  I am still living in that house, and it can be rough.  I have the basement to myself, and as a private person, I do not frequent the upstairs a lot.  I feel most at home in the basement, and like a trespasser upstairs.  But it is dark down here, and cold.  When it is humid it smells and there are bugs.  Yes I am more at home here, but not home. 

When will this end?  When is it that I finally feel home again? When I move to my next temporary apartment? When I settle down with a real job? For now I have this itch to get going.  I'd like to pack up my things and get onto the next place.  This isn't quite the place for me yet and I am looking for a new one.  The only thing is, I don't know where that is yet. 

On the road again

Since my last post I have not been home.  A total of ten days traveling will be had, and way too little sleep.

Readers, you last encountered your heroine (Moi) typing at a dingy Days Inn in Nashville.  In the past week I have played four more days of Frisbee, eaten five pasta dinners, went to the beach at least ten different times and have logged almost a thousand miles of travel.

A little bit to get you more caught up; last Sunday we won all three of our Frisbee games. I know I played well. With an appetite fit for a lumberjack and without any games the following day, my team and I went to a nice Italian restaurant and got ready for a feast. Unfortunately it wasn't as fabulous as our stomachs were growling for. There was not a soul in the restaurant when we got there. Usually this is a terrible sign, but it was nine p.m. and we had been done playing for five hours. It's just wasn't feasible to ask our stomachs to wait. On the bright side we got tons of breadsticks and as many water refills as a Frisbee girl could ask for.  Overall it was a delightful night for the team. We all settled in for the night and got ready for sightseeing the next day.

Monday morning started with a light rain that only got stronger. We attempted to go sightseeing, but the outdoor parks quickly lost appeal when we realized we might ruin our hair. After some strolling around we eventually entered a dark little bar and grill. One grilled cheese too many and we set off for St. Simon island, GA. 

Driving was like a five hour lesson on hydroplaning. The entirety of the Atlantic seemed to be precipitating on our little red subaru. At midnight we finally arrived to a four story beach house only a block from the public beach. Tan and identical to every other house in the block, it was home for a week.  The entire basement was filled with the eleven remaining girls from my team. Along the way others had left for other destinations. However, this didn't mean we would be lonely, we were joining the women and men's teams from UMD.  For three sweaty days we played Frisbee all day followed by beach trips and pasta dinner. Tan and full, we relaxed each day content with our work done.

Yesterday was our first free day, but many of us spent it sleeping in for the first time all trip. Frisbee is a serious business and we like to use all awake hours to play. The sport endures a lot of crap for being played by lazy hippies. While I have met a lot of hippies the past few years, few college players are lazy when it comes to playtime.

Thursday night I decided with a few others to stay up all night and wait for the sunrise. Pink and bright, the sunrise was just as beautiful as any other, a slight disappointment, but potentially full of unrecognized awe by my dull senses. Twenty four hours of running and tanning and walking and socializing leaves even the most chipper of people ready for bed. I was no exception. 

Friday was spent at the beach and cleaning. We said goodbye to our friends from Duluth, and they set off for yet another tournament.  With the house to ourselves, my girls and myself settled in for a movie and then bed.

Today we have been on the road for twelve hours already. As I time, I know the gift that is fresh air, open spaces, and food that doesn't come in a paper bag. I know we are driving toward a Minnesota in springtime, and I eagerly anticipate sleeping in a bed where only I have slept. I want fresh sheets and more than one pillow. I want to cook my own food and see my family. I love my team, but I'd like to be more than ten feet away from someone for more than the length of a shower. I miss drivers who use their turn signal, caribou coffee, and to watch the channel I want to watch.

That being said, I loved my trip and bonding with my team.  I know I grew as a player and made better friendships. I had a great time, and as ready as I am to be home, I wouldn't trade this trip for the world.

Spring Break!!

After many sleepless nights writing papers, making powerpoints and trying to solve the mystery that is Global Information Systems, I have rewarded myself with a vacation. In my own opinion it was very earned.

Friday afternoon I sent off with three girls from my Frisbee team en route to Nashville, Tennessee. Fourteen and a half hours of car ride and only stopping for the bathroom souls earn you an additional vacation.

My mom dropped off snacks for me. And by snacks I mean baby carrots, apples and oranges. We all shared snacks, but the girls were less willing to eat my health fair as I was to eat their cookies.

We made great time and got in after only thirteen hours, saving ourselves time and sanity. We met up with the rest of our team at a very shady days inn off the freeway. The steps to our room are rusting out, and our neighbors watched us arrive with their door open and chain smoking. The lot was crowded with double wide trucks and rusted out cars. We made our way past our neighbors and set up camp, but not before I accidentally set off the car alarm, waking every soul for miles. I'm sure even the deaf were bothered by my late night intrusion.

A mere four hours later we were awoken from our pitiful slumber. It was time to seize the day and play Frisbee. We're called the ninjas but moved as sloths, startled and not awake.

Piling back into the Subaru, five tired ladies trekked through a barely awake town to Vanderbilt University.

Twenty four women's teams prepared for battle. Sweat and sunshine drove us down the field for our first game. With an easy victory, we fought twice more, winning those games as well. Fresh from victory we squared up against our rivals, the Bella donas. They hail from Madison Wisconsin and the excitement is rising higher than the temperature.

As the sun beat down on us, we stripped of our warm layers, fighting the sweat as much as the other team. We went point for point until half. Then they scored six times to our one. We kept pushing until we scored four on them.

Two more points for them sealed our fate.  We had lost, but fought hard. With a smile on our faces we proudly marched back to the hotel, where we eagerly await our games tomorrow.

It's been too long

It took me awhile to write this post.  My last two weeks have been rather crazy.  This was my first weekend not working in a long time.  I was employed at Teavana for a very long time.  I really enjoyed working there, but recently working my shifts got harder and harder.  After winter break I started to lose steam.  We had to consistently push for sales, which was not my style.  Company policy was to push customers to the point where we would only relent after five no's.  In my mind this was ridiculous.  I don't know what a customer wants anymore than they do.  If somebody pressed me that much just to buy some tea, I would just leave.  After the holiday season my sales number started dropping after our customers were not as plentiful.  After struggling for the last couple months, I started looking for another job.  After I got my second job, I was ready to quit, but had some doubts.  I really wanted to take a trip to Norway this summer and contemplated working both jobs to make more money.

My first week of working double hours was not too bad.  However, the week before last Teavana scheduled me for thirty five and a half hours!  This is way more than part time and way more than somebody with a full credit load should be attempting.  I told my boss that I thought this was a bit much, but instead of helping me out, she asked me to swap shifts with someone else on Friday.  I agreed because it would free me up in the evening, and I believed I would be able to do all of my homework on Thursday night. 

When Thursday night arrived, I went to my friend's house after working.  He was familiar with the computer work I had to do, and I had the software ready to install on my computer.  This friend is a computer science major, and I figured my work would be done quickly.  I was very wrong.  I could not get the software to install.  After an hour of trouble shooting, we had to install the software on his mother's spare laptop.  Installation itself took over two hours, just transferring files to the computer.  By the time this was all finished I had to go home.  I had work at my second job in the morning.  I had until midnight to finish my homework and was very nervous now, that between working two shifts it would not get done in time.  Especially now that I had to work at Teavana earlier in the day and could not get into the computer lab if necessary. 

I slowed trudged through the parking lot, into the mall to start my shift.  I was so frustrated and the last thing I wanted to do was push people to buy tea.  I walked to the escalator and saw in front of me the girl who's shift I was supposed to be covering!  I walked into the store with her and asked her why she was there.  She said her appointment had been canceled.  But no one had thought to call me!  This was it,  the end of what I could bare.  Here I was, without the ability to do my homework and she was jsut hanging out in the mall.  I was beyond frustration and asked my assistant manager to talk with me in the back. I told her how I felt and that I would like to put in my two weeks notice.  She begged me to stay.  She told me a new manager would be coming soon and that everything would change.  She agreed that it was ridiculous that I had to come in today, and that I could go home.  I agreed to go home, but mostly just to do homework, not to think about whether or not I wanted to quit.  I knew I wanted to quit. 

The next day I went into work for my shift, having talked with family and friends the night before.  In the end it came down to this: I have a fixed amount of hours at my second job, no more, no less.  It will never interfere with school or frisbee.  It is a matter of minutes away from my house, instead of having to drive for thirty minutes both ways to work.  This was all really sealed by the fact that I no longer wanted to go to Norway over the summer.  It was not necessary for me to work so much anymore. 

I approached my manager and told her of my plans, but emphasized that I wanted to do two weeks notice because I would like to potentially work there again over the summer.  She promptly told me that I was not rehireable because my sales numbers were too low.  That is all it took.  As soon as there were enough workers in the store, I told her I was going home and left.  After months and months of tirelessly working for nothing, I was free.  I was embarrassed that I had to walk out, but there was an endless sense of relief that swept over my body as soon as I was out those doors.

This weekend I had my first free weekend and it was wonderful.  I was able to clean my entire apartment and do all of my homework.  I got to see friends and attempt to sleep in.  The whole thing was very lovely and completely worth it. 

Things I can't stand

You know what I hate? The volume buttons on the iPhone 4 and iPhone 4s.  I may have never climbed mount Everest, but one of the hardest things that I have done is use my fingers to tell the buttons apart.  For anyone who doesn't know, the iPhone "upgraded" from a toggle button to two separate buttons to increase or decrease the volume.  This makes it nearly impossible to determine which button is which.  I know this sounds like nothing, but when Skrillex releases his drop, precise volume control goes out the window and you run the risk of permanent ear damage from excessive WUB-WUBS.  

Making a design mistake is acceptable, even Jason Kidd misses 10% of his free throws.  BUT when apple "fixes" the iPhone 4 to make the iPhone 4s they pretend like this problem doesn't exist.  NEWS FLASH: It does!  This is what I hate! 

Thanks you,
Mary Nieting